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Green Monster Spinach Smoothie

Green Monster Spinach Smoothie

Yeah, it’s a drink and it’s green. I usually stay away from stuff like that, but this thing is awesome.

Green Monster Spinach Smoothie (<<<link to recipe)

Nutritional stats:

350 calories, 10g fiber, 21g protein

I came across this fellow interwebber’s blog while researching some do it yourself frozen breakfast action.  She’s got a killer recipe for Frozen Bacon Egg and Cheese Breakfast Burritos on her site.  I was intrigued by this Spinach Smoothie that she states fills her up and replaces (comfortably) a meal in her day.  I decided to give it a try.  There’s a link below to her main site also in case you’re looking for some other recipes.

Taste:  4.5

Have I ever had a better tasting smoothie?  Hell, yeah, but this thing is really good and more of a pleasure than a burden to drink.

Fullness:  5

This thing will fill you up kids.  I drank my first starting about an hour ago and it took me a cool 30 minutes just to finish it.  I am stuffed.  I honestly can’t even drink my diet energy drink nor my Coke Zero right now.  Crazy!

Overall:  4.75

I would like to personally thank IowaGirlEats.com for this little diet treat.  It’s great tasting and chock full of goodness.  I would be willing to bet that I start feeling better within a few weeks of drinking these puppies.

Hawkman Out!

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SmartOnes Swedish Meatballs

SmartOnes Swedish Meatballs

Not your mom’s Swedish Meatballs…if your mom made those that is.


Taste:  3.5

Not too far off.  Have I had better Swedish Meatballs???  Well yeah!

Fullness:  3

Not a ton of food here.  Enough to hopefully satiate you.  Imagine your stomach is smaller…this fills you up.  (I used the force there)

Overall:  3.25

It’s okay overall.  I’ve had better food before, but I didn’t puke it right back up or anything.

Hawkman Out!

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Amy’s Pesto Tortellini Bowl

Amy's Pesto Tortellini Bowl

It’s so nutritional…it’s completely green people!

Taste:  3

Too heavy on the pesto for my tastes, but pretty good really.  Maybe don’t drown it in pesto to make up for the fact it’s an organic meal guys.

Fullness:  3.5

This is a big portion.  Not sure if I can’t finish it because there’s so much of it or I’m just sweating pesto now.  I guess I’ll know in an hour or so right?

Overall:  3.5

If you like pesto, this sumbitch is for you!  I do like pesto, but again it’s overpowering.  I prefer a little less of it.  The pasta tastes great and it’s darn good overall. I’ve had better pasta in my life, but probably not better frozen pasta meals.

Hawkman Out!

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SmartOnes – Three Cheese Omelet

SmartOnes Three Cheese Omelet

SmartOnes Three Cheese Omelet

So, here’s another breakfast item.

Taste:  .5

This thing sucks.  I really can’t say enough bad things about the flavor of it.  The cheese is so suspect it’s amazing.  I’ve never tasted feces, but I’m going with “It tastes like shit…only worse!”

Fullness:  0

Since I spit it out and couldn’t stomach it enough to finish, I wasn’t full.

Overall:  0

This has to be one of the worst food experiences of my life.  Maybe it sounds like I’m playing it up or something, but I’m not.  This meal was horrifyingly disgusting and “SmartOnes” should be ashamed.  Fire the asshole who wrote the tagline “Light and fluffy eggs, melty cheese, and a side of Ore-Ida® homestyle hash browns.” because this is frozen dogshit in a box.

Hawkman Out!

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Evol Foods BBQ Chicken & Mozzerella Flatbread

Gourmet BBQ Chicken and Mozzarella Flatbread made with hand stretched crust, cage free chicken, and rennet free cheeseBBQ Chicken & Mozzarella Flatbread ($6 or thereabouts)

Natural • 13g Protein (per serving) • Cage-Free Chicken

Fire-grilled white meat chickenmozzarella cheese, chopped green onion, cilantro and BBQ sauce–All topped on an insanely tasty stone-fired artisan flatbread.

Alrighty then.  I bought this puppy the first day I started all this stuff (about a week ago today).  Its the one, honestly, that I looked at and said “That looks pretty damn good” when I picked it out.  Pricey, but looked worth it to me.

Taste:  4.5

Damn good folks.  I’ve not had many frozen meals that come even close.  This isn’t only a healthy alternative with fresh natural ingredients…it’s flippin’ tasty.  The crust is fantastic.  Great tasting real chicken that comes out juicy.  Ample cheese that translates well.  Zingy sauce that is tasty alone.

Fullness:  4.5

This, unlike everything else so far, is not a tiny portion of food.  Some folks may have to eat part of it and save the rest for later.  I think you’ll wanna do that as it’s freaking good.  I am full after this one.

Update here 9/5/12 – Apparently they put two servings in the one box like buttholes.  So, no wonder I was flippin’ full.  Read the boxes kids!

Overall:  4.5

I can’t believe it.  Lightning strikes on frozen meal review #4!  This sucker is a winner and I think anyone, dieting or not, would like this meal.  It’s honestly very close to restaurant quality food.  This is remarkable to me as no frozen meal of any kind has been there for me.  Well worth the money.

Hawkman Out!

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Smart Ones Pepperoni Pizza

Smart Ones Pepperoni Pizza

It’s decent.

SmartOnes Pepperoni Pizza $3.95 (or thereabouts)

Zesty pepperoni with tangy tomato sauce topped with reduced fat mozzarella cheese on a stone-fired crust.

Taste:  2

Not the best.  Not the worst.  I can tell you that most frozen pizzas out there make this look like the worst frozen pizza in history (I’m purposely not including Jeno’s or Totino’s as those are not pizza in my eyes).  I won’t sit here and tell you that this doesn’t taste like a diet pizza meal, because it does.  As far as those go, however, it’s really pretty decent.

Fullness:  2.5

It’s tiny, no doubt.  If you were thinking it was going to be a heaping serving as portrayed on the box, you’re nuts.  I’m still hungry.

Overall:  2.5

It’s amazing to me that they can’t make these taste any better.  With the advances in technology, why hasn’t someone made a better simulated cheese?

Hawkman Out!

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Kashi frozen Blueberry Waffles

Kashi Blueberry Waffles

These little suckers were surprisingly tasty.

Kashi Blueberry Waffles $5.5 (or thereabouts)

Everyone loves the goodness of warm waffles — and now you can love their nutrition, too! We start by mixing our heritage whole grains into a smooth batter that’s gently poured onto real waffle irons for the perfect golden brown crisp. And we’re just getting to the good stuff — Kashi® Waffles Blueberry have 23g of whole grains, 6g fiber* and 560mg of beneficial ALA Omega-3. Plus, they’re free of artificial sweeteners, flavors, colors and preservatives.

Our heritage blends of whole grains are blended with juicy blueberries for a crispy waffle with a tangy sweetness. Looking for a tasty topping? Try with yogurt, sprinkled with nuts or even fresh sliced bananas.

I’m going to break these things down pretty simply.  0-5 for taste, 0-5 for fullness and 0-5 for overall experience.  Obviously 0 is the worst and 5 is really eff’n good.

Taste:  4 1/2

I’ll be honest here.  I was planning on biting into something about as tasty as the box it came in.  I was totally wrong.  There’s a lot of great flavor here.  I applied the smallest amount of “real” syrup I could get away with (a tbsp maybe) and I was very happy with this meal.

Fullness:  3

I’ve never really been filled up by breakfast pastry type stuff.  These waffles (I had 2 total = 1 serving) were great, but just like every other waffle I’ve ever had, I wasn’t full.

Overall:  4

Great stuff really.  If you’re just starting out eating these lower-garbage types of foods (and you like a big breakfast), I’d suggest a poached egg or something on the side to balance things out for you and make sure you’re full for breakfast.  It really is the most important meal of the day.

Hawkman Out!